Turns out nice guys have more sex, better sex and more sex partners than ‘bad guys’. Here’s why women no longer fall for men who ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’
Finally – research reveals what most sane women already know: nice guys get laid more often than bad boys.
A recent UK study found people who help others are more desirable to the opposite sex, have more sexual partners and more frequent sex.
The study, published in the British Journal of Psychology, asked 800 people about their personality type and their sexual history to see if there was a correlation between the two.
Exploding the ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ myth, researchers found selfish people scored poorly when it came to love and sex.
People who are altruistic – likely to do things like charity work, give blood, help others – had much more success with both sex and love.
The researchers believe altruism has evolved to become a highly desirable human trait because it helps us survive as a species.
The bad guy might look hot but he’s not likely to stick around to help look after babies.
The death of the myth that most women want bad boys is long overdue.
‘Bad’ people are fabulous if you’re looking for a holiday romance or quick sex fling and want to try out a totally out there sex fantasy and don’t want to be judged for it.
But who in their right mind would actively seek out a ‘bad boy’ (the clue’s in the name) for a serious relationship unless you have desperately low self-esteem, a ‘victim’ mentality and serious issues going on?
Here’s just a few reasons why nice men are both nicer and sexier – and always have been.
Nice men like sex just as much as bad boys
Just because he’s nice, doesn’t mean he’s a saint.
A US study of 500 college students found people who were rated as ‘nice’ had more marital sex, long-term relationship sex AND casual sex.
Asked to answer if they’d give all or part of a lottery win to charity, those who said yes had much more sex than those who said they’d keep it themselves.
Nice doesn’t mean weak
The stereotype that nice equals weak is false.
Studies show nice people are not necessarily less assertive or competitive than ‘difficult’ people.
Psychologists define nice people as those who score high on a personality trait called agreeableness: your over-riding concern is having happy, positive relationships with other people.
You like harmony and you don’t like knowing people are upset (either with you or others).
Studies show agreeable people stay married longer, are more intimate in their marriages, have better relationships with their kids and – not surprisingly – are more satisfied with their lives overall.
Case closed for any female who has even a hint of intelligence and high self-esteem.
Nice guys aren’t boring.
Don’t mistake drama for love. Rollercoaster highs and lows aren’t passion, they’re a sign of incompatibility.
Calm is good.
Look at how it ended for poor old Cathy with Heathcliff.
Nice men are confident not cocky
There’s a huge difference.
Arrogant men consider themselves better than you and treat you accordingly – like their servant.
Nice men are liked because they’re nice, so their confidence gets built for all the right reasons.
Nice men don’t need to blow trumpets to announce their arrival, they’re content to let a quieter confidence waft your way and win you over.
Think Obama and Trump: strong but understated is a hell of a lot sexier than brash and show off.
Nice men aren’t just funny, they find you funny as well
Research did (sadly) prove that men find women who find them funny more attractive than funny women.
This reeks of self-doubt to me – and any other woman who’s cracked a joke and had their partner laugh appreciatively.
The nicer the guy, the more comfortable he is with women being ‘better’ than him and the more fun you’ll have together.
Nice men are available
The very definition of a nice guy is that he’s not duplicitous and is emotionally available: if he says he’s single, he is single.
When bad guys say, ‘There’s no-one special,’ they’re not lying.
Their wife/girlfriend/girls they see whenever they fancy a bit aren’t treated like they’re special in the slightest.
Why would you want to add your name to the list?
Nice men stick around when the going gets tough
Bad men do not.
Bad men don’t like commitment and that doesn’t just mean shying away from ‘serious’ relationships (you dare to ask if they want to do something tomorrow) or marriage and kids, it means not being able to commit to anything at all.
Like pick you up from work when you’re too sick to catch the tube or actually turn up when you’ve organized for him to meet your girlfriends or turn up as your plus one to that all important wedding of an ex.
Nice guys don’t ask for endless favours
Like loaning them cash, letting them crash ‘for a night’ without paying rent, borrowing your car, your credit card, your suitcase – anything at all that’s of value.
Nice men aren’t usually in a horrible financial mess and ‘between’ jobs. Bad guys are rarely in any other situation.
They also frequently have drug or alcohol problems, draining both your bank account, patience and sanity.
Nice men make you feel great
They’re where they’re supposed to be, ring when they say they will, don’t let you down when you need them and are gloriously reliable and predictable.
Bad men are the opposite.
They’re never where they say they’d be, they’re never on time and they never deliver no matter how many times they say they’ll change.
This leaves you feeling jumpy, irritable and sleep deprived.
You get spots, put on or lose weight (whichever isn’t helpful), have permanent bad hair days, pick up anything that’s going around and start to annoy friends and family by letting someone get to you like this.
Work colleagues start to lose respect when you stop pulling your weight – again – after the third up-all-night argument or fitful sleep waiting for a phone call that never comes.
Your Mum’s worried sick and your friends have all but given up on you.
Even the hot sex loses its appeal when you develop the (inevitable) symptom of an STI or are so tired and fed up with the guy you can’t muster up the energy.
It’s around now that it occurs to you that this man isn’t an adventurous, world-travelling sex god who sticks his nose up at authority. He’s actually a self-obsessed, narcissistic idiot who can’t hold down a job or a relationship.
Aren’t I glad I never did go for the bad boy – and am about to marry one of the nicest men on the planet!
Find new additions to Tracey’s product range at lovehoney.com
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