Surviving Breakups With a Positive, Optimistic Attitude
A sudden separation or total breakup in your relationship is almost always a difficult, traumatic event for both parties, even if they both agree it is the best course. Surviving breakups is much easier if you have a happy, positive outlook on life. In fact, if you had such a mind-set to begin with, you might have avoided the split with your spouse or partner, in the first place.
Some people just naturally expect the worst in any given situation. We call these people pessimists, and they are not fun to be around. You can almost see the dark rain cloud, hovering above their heads. Funnily enough, their expectations are usually fulfilled, and things often turn out badly for them.
Most everyone goes through some tough times at various points in their life. When you hit a low point, it is easy to fall into negative thoughts, and think that a bad outcome to most situations is normal. It is not.
As improbable as it sounds, research is now telling us that having a positive outlook can make a big difference in your health, your job, your relationships and even how long you will live. Be honest now. If you were happier and more self-confident and assured, could you have avoided that split with your ex? Perhaps with a little more optimism, you would have stuck it out and tried harder to solve your problems, no?
Well, the good news is, it is not too late. You can regain control of your mental attitude and your life, as we will see in a minute. Then it will be much easier to figure out your relationships, and get back together with your ex. Surviving breakups is good; when it leads to you two reuniting, it is much better!
Some people accuse the optimists of being unrealistic, or of having a simplistic view of life. This need not be true. Just be positive and pleasant as you go about your daily routine. You will gain many unexpected benefits, such as increased resistance to ordinary colds and sniffles, coping better with everyday difficulties and believe it or not, a longer life.
You should also know that optimism is infectious. Everyone likes to be around happy, positive folks. They are usually what we call popular. This is an important advantage in attracting and keeping a mate. In a lot of relationships, many problems, both large and small, tend to solve themselves if the couple is happy, confident and at ease with each other.
So each and every day, tell yourself that these are the best days of your life, and you are darn well going to make the most of them. Your life is not a Hollywood movie. You only get one single chance to go through each day. None can be relived, so give each and every day your best, happiest, most pleasant shot.
Now, just how do you shift gears and convert yourself from a pessimist into an optimist? Here are 4 steps you should take:
1. Caution: Do Not Magnify
When something bad or negative occurs, do not blow it up out of proportion. And do not forget the positive aspects of the situation. For example, you just cleaned and straightened up your house before going out, but you forgot to turn out the lights. That is regrettable, but focus on what you accomplished, not on a small thing that you failed to do.
2. The Blame Game
Do not automatically blame yourself for bad things that happen to you or those around you. Was it really entirely your fault? Probably not.
3. Expect the Best
Instead of expecting the worst in every situation, expect the best. You, and the people around you, will be happier and more cheerful. And as often as not, you will indeed get the best outcome.
4. No Negativity
Avoid negative thoughts. They are usually based on incorrect thinking. As soon as a negative thought pops into your head, replace it with a positive one. Instead of saying, “She does not love me anymore”, say to yourself, “OK, our relationship is in trouble. I love her, and now I am going to fix it”.
Practice these four habits until they become ingrained and automatic. They will help you in surviving breakups. Even better, they will help you renew your relationship with your ex. Meet with him/her, and try to work through your problems.
Focus on the positive, and do not inflate small matters into a crisis. Start with the expectation that you will eventually succeed in repairing your relationship. And guess what? You will most likely do it.