Only Fat Guys Win At Tug of War

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I’ve not played a game of cricket since I left school and so was a bit concerned when I was invited to play at the Bodo Schloss vs Raffles end of summer cricket match.

For those of you who don’t live in Kensington & Chelsea these are two of the biggest nightclubs in the Royal Borough, and there’s a fierce rivalry between the two, so this looked like becoming a bit of grudge match.


Tug of War1


Bodo Schloss Tug of War Team Take The Strain


So much so that my team – Bodo Schloss employed the services of Surrey & England cricketer Jade Dernbach. This and the fact that I hadn’t bowled a ball for at least eight years made me worry that I might end up letting the side down a bit.


Tug of War 2

Tug of War 3

Going and Gone – The Bodo Team Hit The Deck


These concerns left me when I got a wicket on my first ball – I managed a nice bit of movement by the off stump, the batsman caught an edge and was picked up in the slips.

Our innings was looking pretty good when Hugo Taylor fell to Dernbach – at least he could say he was bowled by an England cricketer.

I’ve got to say Hugo did look impressive in whites – like a young Jeremy Irons in Brideshead Revisited, only with a deep St Tropez tan.


Hugh in Brideshead mode

Hugo Taylor Chanelling His Inner Jeremy Irons


Jamie however let the Bodo side down, sartorially at least, by wearing his baseball cap back to front when he was keeping wicket, and his pre-match warm-up involved a cold bottle of beer.


Jamie's pre-match prep


Jamie’s Rigorous Pre-Match Warm-Up Regime


Bizarrely Jamie bumped into Gordon Ramsay who just happened to be walking past the ground, just behind Sloane Square. It has been noted several times before that the pair bear a slight resemblance, but the twitter rumours are not true – Gordon is not Jamie’s father.


Jamie and Gordon

Separated at Birth? Jamie & Gordon’s Long Overdue Reunion


It was all down-hill after lunch – there was a humiliating defeat in the lunch-time tug-o-war.  If anything my Forza fitness and weight-loss regime hasn’t helped me here. You need a bit of heft behind you for this “sport” and I’ve lost nearly a stone with the Forza T5 Super Strength and even though I’m much more toned, it’s sheer bulk that you need to win this game.

I was second in the row and kept my position but the guys behind lost their balance and the whole line collapsed and got dragged rather unceremoniously across the out-field.



Jamie Discovers The Joy of Champagne Popsicles


This drubbing in the Tug-o-war must have hit us hard psychologically. Our batting order collapsed in the same that we did with a rope in our hands. I only managed to score three runs and we lost by 165 to 85.

We drowned our sorrows with some champagne ice lollies afterwards.

Lots of love,


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