Five reasons why that hot someone doesn’t fancy you back – and they’re all TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
Dying for the Christmas party so you can make a move on someone you’ve had your eye for ages?
Tis the season to be flirty, so go for it – just don’t take it to heart if your feelings aren’t reciprocated.
We all tend to take rejection personally but there are many factors – a lot completely out of our control – that influence our choice in partners.
Rejection is often less about you and more about what’s happened or happening in the other person’s life – past and present.
It could be….
You subliminally remind them of someone they don’t like
We fancy people who look or act like other people we love or have loved.
From the moment we’re born, our brain continuously feeds us physical data about people close to us.
It divides these characteristics into ‘people I like and were nice to me’ and ‘people I don’t like who hurt me’, then it tries to generalise.
If two-thirds of the people you’ve disliked had bushy eyebrows, you’ll be suspicious of everyone who has them.
If it was the opposite, the sight of those extra hairs will get you going!
When we meet a potential partner, our subconscious checks against the ‘liked people’ list in our heads and tries to find the closest match.
The more ‘chemistry’ we feel, the more matches we’ve found.
We do the same with gestures.
The way you brush your hair from your neck, the dimple he gets when he smiles, all affect our opinion of who’s sexy, who’s not.
Your olfactory systems say no
Our olfactory system (sense of smell) is instantly reacting to the pheromones of every person you fancy.
Pheromones are the scent version of a fingerprint: each of us has a unique, natural, undetectable smell.
A blend of intoxicating ingredients – including erotically named chemicals which release when we’re sexually aroused – our pheromones are also influenced by things you’d probably rather not think about (like how oily your skin is and how much you perspire) along with mundane factors like what you’ve eaten, drunk and how much exercise you’ve done.
The end result of this olfactory melting pot is released from apocrine glands, located in our ‘warm’ spots: armpits, groin, mouth, nipples, back of knees, wrists and palms.
When you meet someone you fancy, the brain receives ‘Yes please!’ signals and on cue, pheromones release (the name is derived from the Greek term ‘to excite’).
Then both your olfactory centres get together and have a little chat to see whether it’s worth the two of you taking things further.
Now here’s the part that’s scary: if the smell isn’t right, there’s almost certainly no desire to pursue.
The olfactory system doesn’t care if this is the first date you’ve had in years or the best proposition you’ve had in your life, if the smell isn’t right, it’ll never feel right.
Doesn’t matter how good this person looks, sounds, feels, talks, or how big their wallet, breasts or other parts are, if the olfactory system say it’s not a happening thing, forget it!
It’s the wrong time of the month
Our bodies give out different scents at different times of the month, totally without our permission.
There’s indisputable evidence to suggest women smell differently when ovulating and at our most fertile.
The average man tends to agree, if not consciously.
Experiments show men find women far more attractive, attainable and sexier when ovulating than at any other time of the month.
You might be faithfully gulping the Pill every morning with Morning After back-up supplies stashed in your bedroom drawer but your body is desperately trying to sabotage in a bid to keep the population going.
The timing is off
Certain events and situations make us more attractive to someone.
If someone’s just been dumped, lost their job or been through a rough time, they’re much more likely to find you sexy than when life’s going well.
When your self-esteem is low, you underestimate your own attractiveness and over-estimate other people’s.
You’re vulnerable, need a cuddle and are less fussy about who gives it to you!
If the opposite has happened: they’ve just won the lottery and about to go travelling for a couple of years, they won’t even notice a prospective partner – even if you’re having a particularly good hair day.
Previous relationships also have a huge influence.
If they’ve just been through a messy, nasty divorce, they’re likely to be immune to any of your charms – but the person who’s come out the other side and ready to rumble will be.
The kiss isn’t right
Plenty of people use the first kiss as a technical litmus test: if the kiss is good, the sex will be as well.
Others use it to test for chemistry: if sparks don’t fly, perhaps it’s just friendship?
Both have evidence to back them up.
Pucker up to kiss someone you’re attracted to and sebaceous glands in your mouth and the corners of your lips release semiochemicals, designed to stimulate sexual excitement.
These combine with your own unique saliva ‘fingerprint’ and the end result is passed on during kissing.
It’s a bit like swopping business cards listing your personal credentials, except a hell of a lot sexier!
This is why most people know if they’re going to be suited physically after their first full kiss.
The way we kiss someone for the first time, also has a direct effect on whether relationship progresses further.
If they haven’t got the basics right, why would you take it further?
For more advice from Tracey, her product ranges or books, visit traceycox.com.
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